Early Mornings

So I work from 4am til 8am six days a week. It's not a bad job, or even a hard job, but its an early job. I have been dying to have some music to listen too. I no longer have a working walkman and even though there is a radio, I can not hear it over the roar of the vacuum that is on for almost half the four hour shift. Some mornings I must admit I do sing to myself, but after being pregnant many of the songs or at least most of the verses have left my memory, and its frustrating to begin a song only to realize you don't know all the words. Anyway. in lieu of music I think. and that can be very interesting some mornings. What my brain chooses to think about that early in the morning is pretty baffling. Some times though it comes up with really good ideas. Like thinking to put together the Christmas Movies, which was supposedly a good idea (since like 4 people have shown up its not turning out as planned, but it seemed like a good idea at the time). Also one morning I was thinking about some of the words of my P. blessing and that I would have "callings in which I would have stewardship over young people. . ." and I had yet to receive such a calling, and I thought to myself "i bet it will be soon" Then a few days later a member of the bishopric called to talk to us about being primary teachers sometime next year. I was thinking about my sister the morning she called me (at like 5:30) to tell me she'd had her baby, but the baby had troubles. It seems that I am more receptive to the spirit in the mornings.

Now to almost completely switch topics for a moment. Some of you may know that My hip joint sometimes becomes inflamed for no apparent reason. It is very frustrating. Several times i have tried to fix it. Massage seems to be the best way for a quick fix but I have been trying to prevent as much as possible. Especially cause we can't always afford to get me to the therapist right when I need it. However during one such early morning the idea occurred to me that the inflammation was directly affected by my emotional stress levels. If I get angry or upset, it shows almost immediately. If anything causes me stress it begins to ache within a day or so, and doesn't calm down until I have rid myself of the stress. (I did learn self relaxation/self-hypnosis techniques that have helped immensely) I may not like the situation but I am not affected by it - a bubble of peace as it were. So far it has worked completely. It may flare up but as soon as I work through what was bothering me it calms down.

Now the culmination . . . for about a week now, the spirit has been pressing on me to do something that is going to be emotionally painful for me, and will, with out doubt, hurt the other person involved. I see the necessity for doing it; it will be healthier for me in the long run, but I don't want to. Nobody wants to put themselves in pain, but it would be like removing a splinter, it only hurts a little while its in but the removal will intensify the pain, how ever briefly. I know this in my head, but I am having a hard time convincing my heart to do it. and my hip is having its worst flare up in months over it. Every day this week I have tried to convince myself to just sit down and do it, but I haven't' yet. . . I think this is the Lords way of making me calm down cause I can only handle my hip pain for so long before I go crazy.